I will be honest with you. While I’m very happy to be a man, since the time I started exploring and mastering Tantric Sexuality I have been somewhat envious of women, since they have access to so many different kinds and flavors, and duration(!) of an orgasm. While it’s possible for a man to achieve an extended orgasm, my experience is that it’ll never come even close to what most women can experience without any training whatsoever. This essay is to celebrate the amazing gift mother Nature bestowed upon women and share what I have learned about the variety of orgasmic experiences accessible to women, mostly through a direct experience of being there as an observer, a facilitator or a lover.
While you might be perfectly happy with having your unique way to bring on an orgasm, it could be useful to know of other ways. Not so much for being greedy, but because different life circumstances, changing needs and lovers, may make other ways more accessible, joyful, deeply fulfilling and heart opening, and at times you might want to try new ways just because you can.
Some of these types are more suitable for solo experiences, others are better for a “quick fix”, yet others are almost required for a deep release, heart opening, and healing. It’s good to have more than one tool in your toolbox and select the most appropriate one or combining a few depending on the need.
In particular in my work with women and my personal love making I like integrating all accessible types of an orgasm, bringing a woman to a continuous state of an orgasm, and intuitively or intentionally changing its source and varying the intensity. I have never played a musical instrument, but it appears like playing one – it’s a single instrument, but depending on where and how I stroke — it generates a wide range of orgasmic notes, from almost silent body vibrations to earth shuttering ‘O’s and ‘A’s, from pianissimo to fortissimo. So let’s make some music.
- yoni = vagina (Sanskrit and beautiful!)
- lingam = penis (Sanskrit and hard!)
Table of Contents
Clitoral orgasm is the most accessible one to most women. It’s not surprising because female clitoris and male penis develop from the same tissue in the embryo and therefore share some commonalities, the main one being of getting easily excited since both have a similar bundle of nervous endings. Moreover, if you were to compare the clitoral-only orgasm to an average male orgasm, most women find their clitoris to become hyper-sensitive and requiring rest after such orgasm, just like most men needing a break after ejaculation and finding immediate further lingam stimulation to be unpleasant. Both types of orgasm are typically local in their nature, i.e. not involving the experience of a whole body and can be achieved relatively quickly and not requiring an environment that presents safety and familiarity (think getting off quickly in a public washroom). Both are excellent at releasing tension, but aren’t necessarily deeply satisfying and are often calling for more.
note: Of course the presented aspects are of a broad generalization, and there are certainly both men and women for whom these orgasmic experiences are qualitatively very different.
As we will explore other types of orgasms you will find that more of a body will get involved and more satisfaction will be reached, often in combining clitoral with other types of an orgasm, yet not every woman can easily achieve a clitoral orgasm. Therefore, this “gateway” shouldn’t be discarded as insignificant. Moreover, recent research shows that clitoris is not separated from vagina, but literally the tip of an iceberg and that the body of the clitoris is spread out through most of the vagina. The researchers found the shape of the clitoral body to be resembling the shape of a swan spreading its wings, and the external part of the clitoris resembling the beak of that imaginary swan. [XXX: I shall expand on this topic later]
There are some creative sex positive orgasmic movements out there, such as Orgasmic MeditationTM, whose foundation is all about enabling women to safely access this birth-right of every woman. Unfortunately, I have a difficult time recommending this kind of process to women, who could benefit from it, since the organization stops at the clitoris and won’t educate women about much deeper and more self-empowering orgasms and instead redirects their attention and the contents of their wallet into unrelated to sexuality self-development training, milking the cow to their financial advantage. If they change their tactics to at the very least sharing with their followers that what they offer is very powerful, yet an incomplete offering, I’d be very happy to recommend their business. I attended a very inspiring sales pitch by Nicole Daedone, the founder of that organization and the author of an excellent book “Slow Sex“, and also the training and demonstrations, which were interesting, since somehow Nicole figured out that it’s the 1 o’clock position of the clitoris is its most sensual part and therefore the one that should be stimulated. There is no scientific evidence that I could find, and most likely placebo is at play, since every body is different and therefore it’s unlikely that most women will have most of their nerves positions in such a precise placement, but whatever works. I don’t want to suggest to flash the baby with the bath waters. Having a group of like-minded individuals that you can practice improving your clitoral orgasm with is fantastic and I salute them for providing that possibility. All I beg to remember is that there is more to female sexuality than clitoral orgasm, and once you own that part of yourself, please come back for more!
And please don’t get me wrong, I incorporate a lot of clitoral play in my love making sessions and when I work with women, with an exception of combining it with other types of sensual stimulation. My goal is to bring a woman to a state of continuous orgasm, which changes its intensity and body placements, but which doesn’t stop. I find that if I work exclusively on the clitoris, it calls for a complete break in that flow upon orgasm. It’s not a problem when it happens, but I found that an orgasmic flow provides for a much more powerful transformative and healing power, rather than stop and go. The stopping also has the side effect of leaving the body and starting to think and analyze, which definitely doesn’t help with the flow.
One mistake a lot of men do is jumping right to the clitoris from the get going. While it works for some women just fine, for many women it’s not the place to start. There are quite a few women, whose clitoris is very sensitive and requires a gentle warm up in its vicinity before it can be touched. There are also women who feel comfortable being touched on their clitoris as long as it is covered with its hood and when its hood gets pulled back intentionally or not, they find the exposed clitoris hyper-sensitive and painful to touch. Using thick lubricant can often help with that, but often it just calls for a lot of awareness on the part of the one who is touching it. Once you know how your lover’s body works then you can masterfully navigate the territory gifting pleasure and avoiding pain and discomfort.
A good way to approach clitoris is by working your way from the top down, starting at the pubic bone at the root of the clitoris and gently working your way down towards the clitoris, but without touching it directly. Then coming towards it from the other direction, by playing with the outer vaginal lips, working your way from the bottom up, and then the same with the inner lips. (note that inner lips can be almost as sensitive as an exposed clitoris when not they aren’t warmed up). Once the whole area surrounding clitoris has been warmed up, then more direct stimulation is often welcome. It’s easy to tell where her body is by making small advancements towards the clitoris and watching her body’s response — if the body moves towards you, it’s ready for more, if it shies away, slow down and take more time with the foreplay.
Your tongue is often a better alternative to your fingers in clitoral play as it’s softer, provides its own natural lubrication, has wider surface and the strokes it can deliver are gentler. And once everything is warmed up, you can use the fingers for inner vaginal (and/or anal) play, while keeping the tongue on the upper vaginal lips and clitoris.
And if you really want to blow her off, try the buzzing technique, where you take air in and then slowing exhale, while making a buzzing noise with your lips all along touching those vibrating lips to her clitoris. Just start gently as it can give an extremely powerful stimulation.
Vaginal Entry Orgasm
When I think of vaginal entry orgasms I can’t help but remembering my adolescence, when my first lovers weren’t quite ready for doing it, but were extremely content to come as close as possible to having sex while keeping our clothes on, and riding on top of my lingam or any body part for that matter, seemingly for hours and never getting enough of it.
It so appears that it’s just as satisfactory and even more so doing it while having the clothes off, yet not getting fully penetrated, and just ‘grazing’ the entrance, or penetrating very very shallowly, so the lingam’s head doesn’t go in fully.
While scientifically it’s known that there are many nerve endings in the vaginal lips, which tend to be very sensual, I think there is also a huge satisfaction in the self-teasing aspect of playing with the yoni entrance, but not quite going fully for it. The anticipation builds up the sexual tension more and more, and an occasional full penetration, before returning to the teasing of the gateway, makes it even more satisfactory and playful.
Surprisingly, I find that this type of play becomes more exciting for her some time into love making and not right from the get going. If your lover is very excited at the very beginning of love making it can drive her mad with her desire for you to penetrate her. Yet, after the edge has been taken off and she finds herself in a familiar pleasure land and somewhat relaxed, going back to teasing her love gate becomes very delightful for her. And I trust that there are women, who can “endure” that kind of tease from the get going ;)
For a man it’s usually much easier to have his lingam fully inserted into her yoni to control his ejaculation and this kind of play can be quite overstimulating, especially since it can really fire her up. Therefore it’s better to do so later in the play, when her orgasmic energy is softer and you’re more accustomed to her sexual energy and hopefully are capable of consistently moving your sexual energy away from your genitals.
G-Spot Orgasm + Squirting
G-Spot orgasms often bring a woman to a complete loss of control, with her whole body shaking, and delightful loud pleasure noises make it known to all willing to hear that she’s in heaven, and squirting often comes about too. It’s probably the easiest way to experience a full body orgasm, as compared to a more complex and elusive cervical orgasm.
The so called Grafenberg Spot, named after a gynecologist who first documented it, is an area of the upper part of the inner vagina (facing its opening), behind the pubic bone, which can be easily located by inserting a finger, while the palm of the hand facing up, and then moving the finger in the “come here” motion. You will feel a somewhat rough skin at about 2-3cm from the entrance.
When stimulated, it becomes tumescent (swollen) and gets very excitable when touched. It’s difficult to stimulate it with penis, unless a penetration happens at the quite unnatural angle, which is usually performed from behind. And that’s why usually the best results are achieved when the middle and ring fingers are inserted and moved in the “come here” motion, applying a certain pressure towards the pubic bone while at it. Some women love very strong pressure, while others need it to be gentler, but if you are new to it do not be afraid to go quite hard at it (of course while checking in with your lover to her level of comfort).
Of course make sure your nails and cuticles have been trimmed off and aren’t sharp. It’s the best not to clip your nails just before using your fingers to stimulate your lover’s sensual zones. Nail clippers usually leave sharp edges, which naturally round themselves off in a day or so. Nail file can fix that. But if your lover still says ‘ouch’, put a condom or a finger cot to put a barrier between the sharp edge and her sensitive skin. In any case, you want to use the soft pads of your fingers to apply pressure and friction, and not the nails, even if they aren’t sharp. That is your “come here” motion, should have the fingers move to 90-100 degrees and not curl in, as that’s the starting angle, where the nails may start digging into her flesh.
In general, vaginal tissue is very strong, and pliable, so unless there is some psychosomatic trauma stored in those tissues, and which then can be painful to touch, a lot of women in my experience enjoy strong stimulation. As always, stay present to the current moment and you will be able to quickly tell whether what you’re doing is amazing, ok, or not quite fun. The same woman who normally enjoys rough play, at any moment may need a much gentler approach. If she experiences pain when you touch her in certain areas of her yoni, and it’s not a sharp nail or too much pressure, or too much friction due to a lack of lubrication, it means that there is trauma that she needs to heal. It can be related to you or to her life events preceding you. I had an experience where my lover started getting painfully sensitive in one area of her yoni, yet when she got a yoni massage from another man, she experienced no pain whatsoever in that same area. That was very helpful since we then knew we had to identify and work through why her yoni was defending herself against me touching her in a certain way. Pain is a defense mechanism. Of course, chances are that most of the time the pain will be coming from her life events that occurred before your relationship, often very traumatic ones. Recent research shows the sexual trauma is much more rampant than our society would like it to believe. (XXX) This would be a subject a whole separate writing and until I get to write it please seek out a sexual healer/counselor that you trust and work with him or her to heal the trauma.
Returning to the pleasure aspects of G-Spot stimulation, the other way to stimulate it is via the anus. It can be quite delightful if she’s comfortable with having a finger in her rectum, since you can then touch her G-Spot through the soft membrane separating the vagina from her rectum and it’ll make the touch more sensual. Of course, be much more cautious here, as the rectum tissue is not as hardy as vaginal tissue and can be easily damaged, so certainly no sharp edges here.
Sex toys can be used for G-Spot stimulation, but unless she does it herself, it’s very difficult to guess where it’s touching and how much pressure is applied, and therefore I personally prefer to use my fingers, since then I know exactly what kind of pressure I apply and its location. But don’t let my preference stop you from trying and finding your preferred way.
Often times when facilitating a powerful stimulation to her G-Spot for extended periods of time my hand tires, so I switch hands to let the tired hand rest. Another remedy to tiredness is to lock the hand into a half-way “come-here” gesture, and move the arm instead.
Female Ejaculation or Squirting
You can’t live in this day and age without hearing about the female ejaculation, also known as squirting. It has been a very controversial subject for many decades until recently when the scientists, pressed hard by women to do some real science, discovered that the female urethra is surrounded by a Skene’s gland, also known as female prostate. Just like clitoris and penis came from the same embryonic tissue, so did the male prostate and now recently discovered female prostate. If you weren’t aware the male ejaculate is composed part prostate liquid and part semen. If a man vent through vasectomy, and his testicles no longer supply sperm, he will still ejaculate the prostate liquid. So this is what happens during female ejaculation. If the female prostate is stimulated, which happens to be exactly what happens when G-Spot is stimulated – a female ejaculation can happen.
footnote 1: the discovery was instigated by a small group of women reporting pain in that area, and after being disregarded as a non-event for decades, it was finally looked at and discovered that women may also have prostate cancer :( albeit very rarely.
If you have seen any pornographic flics depicting squirting, quite often it is not squirting but peeing. Once you become familiar with how squirting occurs it’s usually easy to tell peeing from squirting at a distance, since squirting happens in short bursts, similar to male ejaculation, and most urination happens in long streams. And while in my experience I have worked with a few women, who can ejaculate an impressive amount of liquid, most women ejaculate half to a cupful of prostatic fluid.
The female ejaculate has a very different from urine flavor, it can be slightly bitter and its an acquired taste for those of us who love everything the goddess offers us. It also has a very different viscosity from her internal vaginal lubricant. So after ejaculating the part of the yoni that came in touch with the ejaculate can get pretty dry, as it seems to wash the lubrication off, especially if the fingers were moving back and force carrying the ejaculate inside the yoni. So if you continue with the sexual play, either wait till her yoni re-lubricates herself or use the right kind of a lubricant (veg. oil and latex don’t go together).
Since female ejaculation happens through urethra, and thus feels like urination, when her G-Spot is powerfully stimulated and she’s new to this domain of sexuality, she will often ask to stop and say that she needs to pee. Let her go and pee – regardless of whether she managed to urinate or not, as soon as she comes back and you resume the G-Spot stimulation in the same way, she is likely to tell again that she needs to pee. And it will continue until she feels safe and comfortable to let go and allow the squirting. Sometimes it can be helpful to do this in a bath tub or a rubber boat, so that she can feel safe to let go in case she does urinate. It’s usually not the case, but that situational safety is paramount for achieving this level of release. After having a several squirting experience she will learn to tell an urge to squirt from an urge to pee and will be able to let go easily and squirt during sex. It’s normal for the first experiences to be cumbersome, as this is a new experience.
Sometimes the squirting can happen unexpectedly and she doesn’t get a chance to stop it from happening, and so it just wonderfully happens without any mental barriers. This usually happens when a very powerful, previously not-experienced level of G-Spot stimulation is provided. Since this could somewhat scare her (OMG! I just peed myself!), it’s better to do it deliberately and slowly build up the skill while working together in a tandem.
The easiest way to induce the squirting is using the palm up position, with (1) middle and ring fingers inside vagina moving in the ‘come here’ motion, while (2) the index and the pinky finger are straightened out and moving along her vaginal lips and (3) the thumb is hitting the clitoris. To crank the intensity up even more, have her lie on her back with her knees to her shoulders and you positioned to her side, so that it’s the easiest to move your hand and arm, stimulating three areas at once. If you do all these and she fells safe to go, there is little chance it will not happen. It could take a few minutes for it to start happening. If she is resisting with her mind it can take much longer. If she really let’s go it can happen in a matter of seconds. Another amplification can be done by also pressing the A-spot (see below) with the free hand, and using your elbows to keep her knees to her shoulders.
Of course, she needs to be well warmed up before going to this very intense for her stimulation.
A woman who has been quite experienced in penetrative orgasms and squirting is more likely to experience female ejaculation without using hands. Most easily for this to happen is for her to be kneeling on top of you and then she can find the right angle to stimulate her G-Spot with your hard lingam. I personally experienced this only once and it was such an amazing sensation, suddenly having this hot liquid gushing all over me, while my lover was shaking in ecstasy on top of me. She has been a devote practitioner of Tantric Sexuality for more than a decade when this happened. But, ladies, please don’t let yourself be convinced that you need years of practice to have that experience. Trust in yourself and believe that you can and it will happen much sooner, once you know that it’s possible.
In one of the Tantra trainings I attended, it was also suggested that the ancient Tantrics used the female ejaculate for ritual and healing purposes, so they always collected it and shared it with their lover. They called it kalas. Apparently, these kalas had different healing properties depending on the phase of the moon in the moment of the ejaculation and therefore there we 16 different types of ejaculate. But alas, I don’t have a source to send you to to learn more about it. If you find any, please do let me know.
Finally, if you decide to get into this delightful and very healing for her practice, make sure you have a few towels under her buttocks. While it doesn’t smell like urine, it can certainly ruin your furniture, if you go often at it. So lots of towels, or some kind of protection will be very helpful. One enthusiastic couple reported using an inflatable rubber boat for their sex and squirting to keep their furniture intact.
One other gem that most people haven’t heard of is the A-spot, which is an outside counterpart of the G-Spot. It’s accessed by finding the edge of the pubic bone on the outside of her body, about half finger to a finger-length above the clitoris, just where her lower abdomen starts. Pressing down just past the pubic bone edge, will take you to the back side of the G-Spot, so you will be stimulating it from the outside, rather than inside. On its own it’s usually not very powerful, but when combined with inner G-Spot stimulation it can add that extra edge that will quickly take her over to the big ‘O’. The best way to stimulate it is with a soft vibratory movements. Usually I use the soft pad of one or a few fingers, but at times when she likes it really hard, I’d use the base of my palm, or at times even dig the fingers under her pubic bone.
Over the years I have been surprised to discover that while almost every woman I met knew about G-spot, few knew about the cervix as an amazing source of an orgasm.
Cervix is located in the lower part of the uterus and it feels like a small bulb with a small opening in the middle. Thus it is directly connected to the brain via the the high-speed nerve fibers running through the spine. When properly stimulated and met with relaxation and surrender, it will deliver that full-body mind-shuttering orgasm, where you forget who you are and find God.
Every woman, that I know, who has experienced it once, redefined her view of the deepest, most connecting and leading to surrender sexual experience.
It all depends on the particular body shapes involved, but most likely the best way to reach it with lingam is in the doggy style:
or with a woman on top, legs stretched out, facing him or facing away (i.e. back to him):
If hands are used, the best way to reach cervix is by having her on her back and having her knees to her shoulders or ears. In this body position the cervix moves closer to the yoni entrance. This position is also good when the lingam is not long enough to reach it in legs down position, where the yoni extends and thus pushes the cervix back away from the entrance.
For many woman who are new to cervical stimulation, it’s important to start very slowly and gently. Cervix can be extremely sensitive, and if that sensation is new and unfamiliar it may be perceived as sharp pain. Time is needed for her to slowly ease into this new sensation and to develop a new awareness of that magical body part.
Because it’s such a potent, transformative and surrendering experience, her ego is likely to get in the way and sabotage the experience, taking her out of her body into her head, and making that “peak” into an illusive one. Of course, the best approach is patience and working in parallel on that mental blockage and helping her to choose to surrender. When this happens the body will do all the rest of the work. At times, parallel stimulation of other highly erogenous zones on her body may help to overpower the mind with a sheer amount of pleasure and then the “dam” breaks, the mind surrenders and a full body cervical orgasm comes.
Especially when a woman is new to this exploration, it’s essential for the one who facilitates the experience to not overstimulate the cervix, which can be done through a simple observation of her body. If you see that it’s becoming too much for her, slow down the stimulation, or completely stop it, but without changing anything else. So if it happens during the penetration, stay inside. If your hand or a toy being used, keep it inside, just without any pressure or movement. Unplugging the yoni at that very sensitive moment could feel like taking away something very important and breaking the wholesomeness of this experience. If you have to remove your lingam, say, because it’s just too overpowering for yourself, it is not a problem — just if you do so, then gently and lovingly cup her yoni with your palm and send your loving energy through it.
I won’t recommend doing it with a dildo, unless she does it to herself. It’s very difficult to feel where and how you touch her with a dildo.
Now, how you do the cervix touching varies from woman to woman. Some women like a strong pounding, others like a gentle grinding, yet others like having the pressure but without any movement. You will have to experiment and together discover what she likes.
Also you need to be aware that cervix’s shape and position will change slightly through her menstrual cycles, so what works one day may not work the next day. Awareness, awareness, awareness.
The nature blessed us with a wide variety of bodily shapes. I was once lucky to have a lover who had a very wide vaginal canal (and she hadn’t given birth!), I was shocked to find out that I could insert my whole hand inside her yoni. That was the first time I was able to really feel the inside of a yoni, not a bit a time, but all at once. Of course I was able to give her a very powerful stimulation of her cervix, since I could literally hold it and fondle it with all my fingers at once. That was very educative for me.
You know how we refer to some people as the anal-type? Well, it’s usually the kind of people who keep their anus tightly contracted, usually due to an emotional holding. However in my experience it seems to be that we live in an anal-type culture, since most women I have encountered, with some marvelous exceptions, had their anus constantly contracted. So no wonder that if a relaxation is achieved, followed by a rare surrender, which would allow the anal penetration, this would lead to a very powerful orgasm. This would be a very emotional experience since it requires us to let go on the emotional level.
footnote 1: Of course, it must be true for men just the same, as I know for myself, my anus was a no-no area for most of my life.
Anal orgasm is primarily possible due to many nervous ending located in the area and when sufficiently relaxed they deliver a lot of pleasure to the body when being stimulated.
However, there is a secondary pleasure system involved. There is a very thin membrane separating rectum from vagina, and therefore when the rectum is being stimulated, the vagina gets indirectly stimulated as well. It’s possible to position the finger, lingam or dildo at such an angle that the G-Spot or cervix can be stimulated from the rectum through that thin membrane wall.
Combined stimulation of anus plus clitoris, anus plus nipples or the most obvious anus plus yoni work really well and are likely to take her to the next level of pleasure and often help break the emotional and mental barriers preventing full surrender.
While opening up in that area is a very healing and rewarding experience, it can take a really long time for it to happen. This is because if you start with a contracted anus, there will be little to no pleasure and instead it’s almost certain that there will be pain. If you push and do it anyway, it’s likely that it’ll cause trauma and she won’t want to try it again in a very long time.
At the beginning, the best approach is to just gently massage the outside of the anus with the pad of the finger or a tongue, without attempting to go inside. This requires a huge amount of trust, and if she perceives even a slightest attempt at penetration that trust will be lost. The wonderful thing is that her anus will tell you when she’s ready for the next level. And when you read that signal just make sure to vocalize that you witnessed an opening and check in with her that she feels the same way, as sometimes the body and the mind may send mixed messages.
In anal work copious amount of thick lube is of a paramount importance, since rectum doesn’t produce its own lubrication during stimulation like yoni does. There are many commercial lubes out there. I like working with high quality organic coconut oil. Just remember that oil and oil-based lubes don’t go well with latex or polyisoprene condoms, if you use one for penetration, as the oils disintegrate them. So be careful what you mix. I have encounter very few women, who miraculously didn’t need any lubrication for anal sex. I don’t know the science behind their peculiar rectums, but this is an exception to the rule.
Be very careful with nails and protruding cuticles. Make sure you trim them and file off the sharp edges. Rectum mucus membrane is very fragile and can be easily damaged. If you can’t figure it out, use a condom or a finger cot. You probably want to use the condom anyway if you’re over-concerned with cleanliness.
Rectal cleanliness is of a paramount importance for this type of play. Make sure to empty your bowels and shower. This is enough for the stage of playing with just the entrance. For the anal penetration stage doing a simple small water enema, and holding it for a few minutes, could be very helpful. Knowing that you’re squeaky clean there will go a long way to help relax and not worry about this.
And of course, for the facilitator, if you’re feeling moved to play with her anus, trust me that one day you will encounter some “foreign matter” in there. When that happens — don’t freak out, just take a break and have a shower together. It can be a big deal the first time it happens to you and could be a big turn off. But it will be a turn off only if you make it so. It’s just organic matter. I think the following information will help you even more to overcome the conditioning. There is a recent development in the medicine called Fecal Microbiota Transplant procedure, where a person with a problematic gut biome gets a fecal transplant from a donor with a healthy gut biome, healing an amazing plethora of brain and body diseases. Some are transplanted anus to anus, others through pill ingestion. So here you go, fecal matter is no longer so bad.
To conclude the notes on cleanliness, it’s very important not to enter a vagina with a penis or a finger that has just been in the anus, since some of the rectal bacteria could cause bacterial issues inside vagina. If you were inside the anus, wash with soap before resuming with vaginal penetration. Chances are that it’s not a big deal, if in the moment of passion you forget and “double-dip“, but don’t make it into a pattern, since even a well bacterially-balanced and disease-resistant vagina over time under bacterial stress may lose that strength and succumb to various infections. Unfortunately, the porn industry, where penises happily fly back and forth between anuses, vaginas and mouths, provides a big disinformation to the world.
As far as positions go, it’s really about finding a position in which she can totally relax. Probably the easiest is to have her lie on top of pillows stacked under her belly, arms and head hanging down. Of course if lingam is being used it’s crucial for a man to be comfortable as well. Since the penetration itself may take minutes and even longer he should be in a comfortable steady position this whole time. Therefore spooning, while being on the side might be a more comfortable position for both. Once her anus is liberated and it’s no longer a very slow process, pretty much any position will do. Just experiment and find what works for you two.
For variety of reasons some lovers feel uncomfortable engaging in vaginal sex during her menstruation period due to copious blood, and anal sex could be a good alternative during that period.
While woman’s nipples’ biological function is of a baby feeding purpose, they tend to pack quite a concentration of nervous endings, and therefore just like her vagina and anus, they can be very sensuous to touch. The sensitivity of the nipples varies greatly from woman to woman and it seems to be unrelated to the size or shape of her breasts or nipples.
A woman, who loves her breasts, and who incorporates breast/nipple touch into her intimate play (solo or with a lover), is much more likely to enjoy the sensual touch of her nipples and breasts. If, however, a woman dislikes her breasts, she is less likely to be playful with them and is more likely to resist the sensation of pleasure when they are touched. Like with most body parts – giving loving physical attention over time will lead to an increase of the pleasure sensations.
I haven’t met too many women who could have an orgasm from a sensual stimulation of their breasts and nipples alone, but there were certainly a few who would go into a big ‘O’ just from a gentle touch or a squeeze of their nipples. I think these were those lovers who could orgasm from being touched almost anywhere on their body. These experiences happened after the intimacy and trust have been established in previous love making sessions and her body was anchored to experiencing bliss when in intimate contact with me. So any tiniest excuse to go to an orgasmic state was good enough of a trigger to make it so.
Most women I have been intimate with have a combined orgasm trigger, where more than one erogenous area of their body has been stimulated. For example during a straightforward vaginal intercourse she could be very close to an orgasm for a while, and touching her nipples would almost instantly cross her orgasmic threshold.
In my experience a woman can learn to experience pleasure from an intimate touch of her breasts and nipples if it hasn’t been already accessible to her. I shared some magic tricks to activating nipples in a relatively quick way in “Expanding One Erogenous Zone To Many“.
One other interesting thing I noticed with some of my lovers, is that if I were to consistently stimulate their nipples with gentle squeezing, after a while they would even produce a tiny droplets of milk. This has never turned into fooling a body into thinking that there is a baby to feed, yet it was an unexpected and delightful outcome.
That’s said some women have very sensitive nipples and so it’s crucial to be very aware of the duration of the nipple play and the intensity of the squeeze, especially at the beginning stages, when the nipples might not be very used to being played with. This can be done through a simple observation of her body language and periodical verbal check in to make sure that the practice is pleasurable, but that it won’t leave her in some pain after the amorous games are over. Often she might be unaware of the “wear” until the amorous play is over, and perhaps even only the next day, when suddenly she feels pain in her nipples. Just make sure to communicate that and he can make adjustments for the future plays.
Honestly, I’m yet to be a witness of this one. So I can only share what a few Tantric women shared with me as their experiences, and I know them well enough to trust that it was indeed the case.
Basically, when a woman is close to an orgasm, if she were to start peeing, she is likely to trigger a very powerful orgasm. Do not confuse that with the G-spot ejaculatory/squirting orgasm described earlier, where no urine is involved and prostate-like liquid is ejaculated instead. Yet, there is probably a lot in common between these two, since both offer a sort of powerful physical release.
Of course, if you feel adventurous, you’d want to experiment with this kind of fun and games in some urine-friendly environment like a bath tub or in nature.
To overcome the cleanliness mental barriers of such play, you may want to research Urine Therapy, which is a healing modality that has 5,000-year old roots in Ayurvedic Medicine. The bottom line is that human urine is sterile and doesn’t contain anything bad for you, and can be taken orally for healing purposes (with an exception of when you’re on medical drugs that you don’t want to re-introduce into your body). And it being clean for drinking, makes it a much more approachable for sexual games. It’s also an amazing healing agent for skin issues, such as burns and cuts. It’s a first aid medicine when other disinfectants are unavailable.
footnote: Yours truly has done many experiments with Urine Therapy internally and externally, and it’s really the first few times that it was difficult to get going and afterwards it was no problem at all. Best taken fresh and warm. And you want the midstream to avoid sediments.
If you have experienced this type of an orgasm, since it’s so rare to hear about, please share as much as you feel comfortable in the comment section below.
Imagine a big yellow lemon. I will wait…
Now visualize yourself cutting that lemon in half. Please take your time…
Now visualize squeezing half of that lemon into your mouth and letting the juice pour in…
Did you start salivating? But there is no lemon juice in your mouth in reality, and no lemon either. So how did that happen?
Well, your mind can’t tell the difference between the imagined and the real, as long as the imagined event did happen to you in the past. And even better if you can easily recall it.
That’s all there is to it. If you have ever had just one most amazing orgasm in your life, you can replay it in your head — your body won’t know the difference – you will experience an orgasm without any physical stimulation.
Moreover, this is one of the methods that ancient Tantric masters used to get enlightened. See Vijnana Bhairava Tantra Dharana 47.
So if you ever find yourself stranded on an island with no lover and your hands are tied — worry not, you have everything you need to experience as many orgasms as you would like to, as long as you have a memory of a good one.
This of course works for men too.
I didn’t say it’d be easy for you to do that, because you are most likely conditioned to need to have friction applied to your erogenous zones in order to orgasm. So it will take some time and practice to regain that sensitivity. If you passed the imaginary lemon test above, you are capable of orgasm recall. Karezza, discussed in the essay on making love on Anahata would be the perfect aid for making this phenomenon accessible to you.
Other Types of Orgasms
Of course you can have other types of orgasms, that aren’t connected with the usual suspects – some women (and men) have very sensitive napes, ear lobes, armpits, fronts of the elbow, and under the knees. Others can be touched almost anywhere on their body and that would lead them to orgasming. e.g. I know some who get it from a gentle nibble on their ear.
Some time back I wrote about a Chocolasm experience I had (it looks like I may have coined a new term!). Obviously it had to do with eating chocolate and getting orgasm-like goosebumps all over my body. It was a surprise and an amazing experience.
On Vibrating Sex Toys
While it’s very tempting to use a vibrating sex toy (dildo) in both solo and partner sex play, to quickly stimulate yourself to an orgasm, in the long run it’s likely to do more harm than good, since your body over time will get desensitized and will require a constantly higher level of stimulation to reach an orgasm. Since a male penis can’t vibrate, an organic penetrative sex will become less satisfactory due to a possible inability to reach an orgasm. Should you reach that level of desensitization you will need to rehabilitate your body’s sensitivity with an approach like Karezza. Certainly, an occasional use of vibration can be fun and won’t do any harm. But becoming dependent on it will become a problem if being able to make love with another human is important for you.
This essay has been a labor of love for me as it encompassed so many various sides of sexuality that I have been studying and practicing for many years now. I’m certain there are many improvements that can be made. And I probably said things that seem right from my male tower and your reality might be so different. Not being in a female body this lifetime I can only rely on my observation and learning from asking of your experiences, dear women. Please kindly help me to make this information as close to reality as possible by pointing out any areas where you feel your experience is different from what I have observed it to be. I realize that this essay is a work in progress and with the help of your input I will be able to turn into the best possible guidelines for those who can learn from it and as a result have a significantly better experience of sexual intimacy in their life. Thank you.