How Intentional Group Sex (not Orgy) Can Help You Overcome Suffering

October 16, 2017 by stas | Filed under Energy Work, Group Practices, Spiritual, Transformational.





I was first introduced to the concept of collective sex at my first serious sexual Tantra training by Swami Vivekananda Saraswati, the founder of Agama Yoga. While at that time I had heard of swingers and had seen some pornographic flicks, depicting group sex and orgies, I had never thought that collective love making could be a very liberating and healing Yogic practice. But then, I didn’t know anything about centuries-old Tantra Yoga.

During the 6 days of the training[1] I have learned so many astonishing things about sexuality and how there is so much to it beyond the pleasure and release seeking, that it took me many years to get to experience many of things that were, but a dream at that time.

footnote 1: I first had the abbreviated version of the training that was given in Vancouver, Canada. Later when I relocated to the headquarters of the Agama Yoga school in Thailand, I took the full-length trainings and I repeated those many times, each time discovering new things I missed at the previous ones. I also took them with different teachers, so each re-take brought a unique angle, based on their personal practices.

After about a year of training at the school I felt that my relentless stubbornness at not giving up was starting to pay off and I was starting to develop control over my previously uncontrollable ejaculation. I was going steady with one woman and we have stumbled upon the discussion of the group sex again, so we decided to act on it. And act we did!

No Takers?

We thought it would be an easy task in a Yoga school where 99% of people are very sex-positive. Approach a couple who have been through the same theoretical sexual Tantra training at the school, and offer to make love together. That is no swapping, just doing it in the same room. Easy, right?

But for a long time we didn’t have any takers.

Eventually we found a couple, who have been a few years senior to us at the school and who were open to it. Moreover, they have done it before and they kindly offered to host us.

Needless to say we had a fantastic, mind blowing experience.

There were many things I was concerned about, especially of getting too excited and not living up to my sexual continence training, but it all went well. Them being experienced, they pushed the envelope a bit, with some cross touching, but it was done in a very respectful way and with awareness on their part. So neither my lover, nor I felt that our boundaries were crossed.

Moreover, it was the first time, that I felt an unusual energy surge through my body, when I was touched by another woman while making love to my lover. We shared the same bed, so we couldn’t help it, but have all of our bodies touch here and there.

The energy flow through our bodies was much more powerful during the 2-couple experience, than when it was just the two of us. Yet, it wasn’t really more difficult to sublime the sexual energy and control the ejaculation. This is because all of us were moving our sexual energies up during the whole experience. Therefore we had a more powerful spiritual experience, while needed to struggle less with the sexual continence (at least for me).

We finished this and all our future group love making sessions with a very powerful meditation, while focusing on Sahasrara (the crown chakra).

When we concluded we were happy in mind, body and spirit.

Heart Opening

Having been initiated into love making with another couple, we then became successful at finding a few more couples to practice with (only one extra couple at a time). All those experiences were very powerful, boundary-expanding, and most of all, heart opening for all involved.

In the article on making love on the heart chakra I described a similar, sensual, yet non-sexual experience that I had in a group setting, where I experienced a powerful heart opening, while being sensual, playful and free to be me, while attuning to the needs and boundaries of others. I shared that opening up to loving others, doesn’t have to lead to sex with others. Just like we can joke and be playful with words with more than just our lover(s), we can be open and playful at the physical level to a degree that serves all involved and without crossing anybody’s boundaries.

These practices were also very instrumental at helping us to become less attached and to be open to share our sacred love making experiences with others. This is very important, since a lot of suffering in relationships happen due to attachments. It’s possible to love each other very deeply, but not to be possessive about it. If you were to ask me, what would be the most important outcome of shared intimacy group practices in their various forms, I’d say that it is the overcoming of the attachment and possessiveness and thus a huge diminishing in one’s level of suffering in this life.

Exponential Energy Creation

A few years later we managed to create a steady group of 5 somewhat advanced Tantric yogi couples. We found a place large enough, yet still homey and cozy, that allowed us all to simultaneously make love in the same room.

Having experienced all those difficulties with finding just one interested couple to experiment with, it was a total surprise that we managed to get 5 couples together and to stick with it for many months. It was a real Tantric grace that was bestowed on us.

Finally, we were able to put theory into practice. And the practice was indeed as powerful and transformative as the theory suggested.

Here for the first time I experienced how all participating women were attuned to each other and as soon as one woman would start having an orgasm, the rest of them would join in, no matter which stage of the foreplay each couple were engaged in.

We certainly enjoyed seeing others loving each other.  And the energy in the room was very “clean”, that is we were polished enough energetically and sexually to enjoy all that juicy stuff happening around us and to be able to focus on making love to our lover and not turn it into a voyeuristic show.

The energy was very high, and a way more powerful, than what we have ever experienced in a normal 1-on-1 love making and even with another couple.

We started each group love making with a consecration and various practices to help us connect as a group and feel comfortable with each other.

We finished each session with a powerful meditation on Sahasrara (the crown chakra). For me those meditation were very strong and completely effortless. The energy was just beaming through the roof and all I needed to do is to focus on its flow.

That magical ongoing experience manifested during my last year at the school. I’m not sure what happened in the following years, since I was no longer in Thailand, but while it was happening, it was certainly supported by the Gods. I say that because we surprisingly had very few issues and were able to resolve them as a group to everybody’s satisfaction.

Erections, Erections, Erections

Beginning with the experimentations with one extra couple I have quickly discovered, that while having more than one woman simultaneously engage in sex amplified their openness and orgasmic potency, that wasn’t the case for men. Most men, with an exception for a few super powerful beasts, at the beginning had a struggle with maintaining an erection. Even though there has never been a problem with that in 1-on-1 sex with the same lover.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t one of those supermen for whom the business was as usual. So it took some frustration and struggle before I learned through experience that it takes time for men to re-balance our energy and not collapse each other’s energy fields.

I think for me it took about 2-3 sessions with the same couple to have my normal sexual functioning. And when we started the 5-couple group for most men, but one, it was around 3-4 sessions before we felt there was no longer energy disturbance and we didn’t need to struggle anymore. That lucky man haven’t had any issues from the get going.

Male Bonding

A few years after I have completed my training at Agama Yoga, and I was back for some advanced training, I shared a lover with a friend of mine. He and I have made love before as two couples (different women), so we were already comfortable making love together.

One day our shared lover seduced us, while the three of us were just hanging out together. Unexpectedly, he and I found ourselves making love to her. It was powerful and felt almost unreal, more so since neither of us planned for this. But the highlight of this experience was that during and afterwards I have felt a very strong male bonding with that friend of mine. He felt to me like a brother after that experience even though it happened only once. I were to leave Thailand again shortly thereafter.

We, men, are programmed by nature to compete with each other, so no wonder we have issues with erections, jealousy and bravado display. This kind of experiences of collective love making are incredible healing for men, and freeing from programming that can be so limiting and unproductive for our wellbeing.

An Unexpected Invitation

Rolling back in the timeline, when I had just discovered sexual Tantra and was just learning how to sublime and focus my sexual energy, I had an opportunity to attend a group sex event in Vancouver, BC, organized by James, an amazing sexual Tantra healer. I had never been to one at that time and so I ceased the opportunity and signed up for it.

We were a group of probably some 15 people or so, I didn’t know anybody, but the organizer of the event and another person.

This was a New-Age Tantra-style event, so we started it by having a circle, where the host first set an intention for all of us to experience divine love through our collective sexual energy exchange, while connecting on the heart level to feel safe and to heal. And then we were all invited to  share our intentions.

As soon as we started sharing I realized that I wasn’t feeling moved to participate sexually. I shared how I felt and that I was still curious to be in the space, but was also happy to leave if others felt that it did not support their needs. Surprisingly nobody felt the need for me to leave, and so, once the opening circle was completed, the participants broke into couples and small groups and started to play intimately with each other.

A nice music was playing in the background, a desert of strawberries and chocolate fondue was set on the table, so I helped myself to some sweets and then just started dancing somewhat at a distance from the action, taking in the unusual unfolding with my eyes half-closed.

Surprisingly, I didn’t find the scene very arousing or even sexual, but after some 10-15 minutes as the activity was starting to heat up I suddenly started to feel a strong surge of energy coming up my spine. A few minutes later I simply wasn’t able to dance any longer and I had to sit down, with my eyes closed. I started feeling strong waves of energy pulsing through my spine. And this went on probably for an hour or longer as I lost all track of time.

At some point I heard that someone was calling my name and I opened my eyes to see that they were sitting in the closing circle and inviting me to join them.

In the circle I shared my experience with them and one woman said that she spent quite some time watching me, while my body was shuddering with energy and she was fascinated by what was happening to me.

Only a year or so later, as I was expanding my theoretical and experiential knowledge of sexual Tantra, I understood what did happen to me that night.  At that time I was already at a stage where I was learning how to sublime the sexual energy into the higher, more spiritual forms, my body simply picked up that collective flow of sexual energy in the space and started churning it up. So, clearly, one doesn’t need to engage in the actual sex to work with sexual energy.

Introspecting more on that event, I think I felt like not participating, because I didn’t feel a connection with anybody in the group, and I didn’t want to just have sex with stranger(s) at that moment. Perhaps another place, another time it would have been different.

Orgy vs. Intentional Group Sex

Hmm, by now you have read 2000+ words on this topic and you still have no idea of the difference between an orgy and a intentional group sex the way I see it.  Let’s fix that.

In my definition an orgy is where there is little structure, intention and support. It’s usually an anything-goes situation, hopefully at the very least with good rules of consent and STI protection.

Intentional group sex is when people come together to work on something specific, that the collective sex can enable, and not just to have sex because it’s a great past time activity. Each meeting and group decides on the freedom of swapping partners, threesomes, etc., that’s not important. The important part is to know why you’re doing that and have everybody agree on it. Otherwise there is little difference between an orgy and an intentional group sex.

Finally, I also want to stress out that I have nothing against orgies, or similar manifestations. I think each person needs to be able to do what moves them at any given moment, as long as they have some level of awareness throughout that activity. That awareness is needed to avoid hurting themselves and/or others in the process. But otherwise each process carries a gift for us and others, even if it’s not apparent right away.

If you enjoyed hearing about my Tantric group sex adventures and are inspired at perhaps trying some yourself, please proceed to Guidelines For Manifesting Transformative Intentional Group Sex. And if you feel that where you live it just can’t happen, consider checking out Agama Yoga.


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