Most men are unaware that by learning and practicing a few simple techniques they could easy prolong their love making sessions, before the can’t control any longer and have to ejaculate. I would like to empower your love making experience by teaching you a few very simple practices that require almost no change in your daily routine, yet the results you will see are very powerful.
The first line of “defense” to prevent premature ejaculation and facilitate prolonged love making is developing strong PuboCoccygeus (PC) muscles. If you can contract and hold your PC muscles say for 5 minutes — you can definitely hold off ejaculation for 5 minutes, because your sperm can’t pass through urethra if your PC muscles are strongly contracted. But this is not a method to stop ejaculation past the point of no return. This is a method of learning how not to cross the point of no return.
1. Stopping the Urine Flow
You urinate several times a day. How would you like to turn this bodily need into a powerful sexual practice?
Try to stop the urine flow after starting to pee. Can you do it? If you can’t, then it’s very likely that you have troubles with premature ejaculation. But really what that means is that your PC muscles are very weak and they need to be developed.
When you are able to stop the urine flow, you know what muscles are engaged and these are the PC muscles that you need strengthening even more.
Practice stopping and letting go of urine flow a few times during each urination. Make sure you bring the stream to a complete stop.+
After just a few months of remembering to practice this modified urination method you will notice a significant impact on your ejaculation control.
footnote +: there are some people who tend to easily get urinary infections. If you fall into that group only stop the urine flow at the very beginning of the flow, and make sure that you drain the bladder completely by letting all the urine out. If you are not sure, you can safely skip this technique and move to the next one.
As a nice side-effect you are also very likely to experience a powerful surge of Kundalini energy shooting through your body. More so, when you stop the urine flow for the first time during each urination. You may experience it by feeling your body shake a bit, getting goosebumps or feeling a heat surge. This happens because the energy (called apana vayu in yoga) , that was going out with the peeing, got stopped and it reversed itself to shoot up.*
footnote *: You may have had a similar experience if you had to poop real bad and you were holding it off. This is also due to a reversal of the same energy that’s trying to go down and out.
Once your PC muscles are well-developed and used during sex you won’t need to do this exercise anymore.
2. Kegel Exercises For Men
Most of us urinate only a few times a day, so if you’d like to improve your sexual prowess much faster you have to exercise PC muscles directly.
The same Kegel exercises that women practice can be practiced by men. These are easier for men because there fewer different muscles in the pelvic floor and therefore it’s easier to isolate the right muscles.
As suggested earlier the easiest way to identify your PC muscles is to stop the urine flow mid-stream. After doing it a few times you will know which muscles you need to contract.
Then find some time every day to do the exercise, which consists of sets of contracting and relaxing the PC muscles. You may choose to start with a 10-times repetition set of just a few seconds contraction, followed by 5-10 second relaxation, slowly progressing to longer contraction periods. It’s up to you whether you make the contraction and relaxation of an equal duration or not. Just go slowly at the beginning so that you won’t overdo and potentially strain the muscles.
Make sure you isolate the right muscles. If you are contracting the muscles of your anus, face, neck, abdominal and other unrelated muscles, stop the practice and go back to identifying the exact muscles by stopping the urine flow. During sex you want to be as efficient as possible and creating a bad habit of contracting unnecessary muscles in addition to the correct ones will be counterproductive in the long run. Simply continue the urine stopping exercise for some months in addition to practicing Kegel exercises.
Until the time when your practice becomes correct and automatic, allocate time to do it every day. Once it becomes a second nature and you don’t need to think about it, you can practice during the day, while engaging in other routine activities – when taking a shower, waiting at a traffic light, cashier line up or for an elevator.
At least for the first month of your practice, until you make this practice a habit, try to make sure you do it at least once a day, so if you forgot to do it during the day, make sure you do it before you go to sleep. Performing it multiple times a day will make your progress visible much sooner.
Even after one week of this practice you should start noticing an improvement in the length of your love making before you have to ejaculate. But you may also experiment with masturbation – bring yourself close to ejaculation, but not past the point of return, and then contract the PC muscles – you will start noticing that the oncoming ejaculation will back off.
3. Contracting PC Muscles During Sex
Once you feel you have a certain level of strength in your PC muscles start engaging those during sex. This is the best time to refine things as you can directly tell how the PC muscles strength and isolation skill impact your ejaculation control.
I usually perform the same contraction-relaxation cycles as suggested earlier during practice, but during sex I synchronize those with thrusts of my penis. I contract the muscles briefly after starting the penetration, and then relax them when I’m almost all the way out, so often I have a an approximate cycle of 3/4 to 1/4 of contraction to relaxation. At other times it can be 1/4 to 3/4 or 1/2 to 1/2, all depends on the whether I’m engaged in faster or slower love making. Depending on the position and on which parts of your penis are most sensitive you’d adjust the contraction so that when the most sensitive friction occurs. you have your muscles contracted.
If your lover is on top or you are in a position where you can’t control the thrusts, synchronize the contractions and relaxations with the thrusts of your lover. When a women is close to an orgasm this can be difficult and often leads to cycles where the relaxation part of the cycle is almost not possible, e.g. it can be something like 9/10 contraction and 1/10 relaxation. When that happens, I need a several seconds break every 30 secs or so. So I ask my lover to make short breaks and go wild in between.
Of course at the beginning go very slowly and learn how this newly learned skill empowers you to control your ejaculation timing.
You also learn that your muscles, that appear very strong, when you’re on your own, aren’t that strong when engaged in powerful and exciting sex. Add to that for example a finger touching your anus or groin and if it’s very sensitive it becomes very difficult to hold the PC muscles contracted, because the pleasure in the area of the pelvic floor will have a tendency to want to relax that area. So the bottom line is that you can’t have your PC muscles too strong.
After practicing this for several months and if you engage in sex a lot, you can replace the dedicated exercises with just practicing the contractions during sex.
If you have ever researched male sexuality you must have encountered the Million Dollar point technique, where one presses a finger in the perineum area as soon as one crosses the point of no return, blocking the urethra off and stopping the ejaculate from spurting out. This is a poor man’s solution, because it doesn’t really stop the ejaculation. It just pushes the sperm into your bladder and you will lose the erection anyway, just like after a normal ejaculation, but you won’t be even enjoying the pleasant spasming of the normal ejaculation. Some people like using it, so it’s up to you to decide.
There are also quite a few scientific studies that support the suggested methods, for example:
Awareness and timing of pelvic floor muscle contraction, pelvic exercises and rehabilitation of pelvic floor in lifelong premature ejaculation: 5 years experience. La Pera G. PMID: 25017593 DOI: 10.4081/aiua.2014.2.123.
and from that page you’d find many other similar studies linked.
Also I must mentioned that having very tight muscles is not good either, so strengthening the pelvic floor is important, but just as well it’s important to do stretching to open up the pelvic floor. If you go to any yoga class it’ll certainly be the right start and then you can ask your instructor to give you specific asanas to work on opening up your pelvic floor.
4. Moving the Energy Away from the Genitals
No matter how strong your PC muscles are, the longer you engage in the love making the more sexual energy build up you will experience in your genitals and the more difficult it will become to continue the process, coming to a point where you have to stop very often so that you won’t ejaculate. At which point the only solution is to either take a long break and let the sexual energy naturally dissipate or you have to ejaculate.
The only way to continue making love even longer, and not really have an upper limit on how long you can make love for, is to learn how to continually move the sexual energy away from the genitals and up your body. And this is a huge subject for another article.
Until then start practicing and report the successes or difficulties you may encounter on your journey to master your PC muscles and their use during sex.
If you’d like to read a book on this subject, I recommend you start with “The Multi-Orgasmic Man: Sexual Secrets Every Man Should Know” by Mantak Chia and Douglas Abrams, and “The Art of Sexual Ecstasy” by Margot Anand (in particular chapter 6. Opening The Inner Flute).
If your partner would like to work on her sexuality as well (and which indirectly can help you a lot!) please direct her to a similar article written for women: Little Things to Dramatically Improve Female Sexuality.